Thursday, August 6, 2015

Demon In My View Chapter 11

So in case Atwater-Rhodes forgot to tell you before, Aubrey can teleport. Yeah. Teleport. I know I bitch a lot about the traveling chapters in Dennis McKiernan's books, but this is just FUCKING LAZY.

Also, it seems like teleportation is fraught with dangers. I mean, does he need to know EXACTLY where he's gonna land, or will he just land somewhere around there? What if he teleports INTO something? And what triggers the teleportation - if it's just WANTING to go somewhere, does he blink out and vanish whenever he thinks of someplace he wants to go?

I have the feeling I just thought about this WAY more than the author did.



The ability to instantly move from one place to another was a power he used often, as he had for more than two thousand years.

Yes, please handwave a little harder. Handwave dammit! Your plausibility depends on it!

(Also, if you can instantly teleport places, why would you live in a boring hole like this?)


The full moon was about a week away still, but Aubrey could easily sense a few untrained witches and some werewolves lurking in the busy forest.

I take it back. Apparently there are WEREWOLVES in the area... and apparently nobody has noticed this. And Atwater-Rhodes never does again either.


Ramsa was supposedly Mira's territory, but that barely worried Aubrey. Mira, though ancient, was one of the weakest of their kind, and her fledglings were little stronger than most humans.

Notice how EVERYBODY who could potentially inconvenience Aubrey is a super-wuss whose asses he could easily kick? This is not filling me with suspense, Suethor! This is filling me with irritation!


Few in Mira's bloodline had lived through Fala's extermination of them

So, few of them lived through being... COMPLETELY WIPED OUT. Editor, PLEASE.


Most of them were so sensitive toward their prey that they only fed on animals and willing humans.

  1. Dude, if you're a supposedly scary, powerful vampire going to high school to stalk a teenage girl, you are in NO position to call other people pathetic. That's as low as you can go.
  2. Wow, this sounds familiar.
  3. I wonder why this sounds familiar.



So it turns out that there's a party going on nearby, apparently at Shannon's house. There is booze, and there are teenagers. So Aubrey decides to sit outside in the bushes and act creepy/snotty like Edward Cullen.


The minds he touched were hardly entertaining—either hazy from drinking, silly from joking, or angry from gossiping.

Ah yes, a bunch of drunken rich teenagers alone with no parental supervision... that's just a recipe for BOREDOM.

And for some reason, out of ALL the people in the bushes, he decides to feed on one of the ONLY people he's talked to. Why? I assume Atwater-Rhodes based Shannon on somebody she hated in high school. Dude, isn't being part of a vampire... you know, trying to fly under the radar and not make it OBVIOUS that you're the one who's draining blood from people? FAIL.


He found Shannon quickly. She had drunk some beer and her defenses were down; little effort was necessary to convince her to come outside alone.

... I have NO idea if Atwater-Rhodes meant it to come across this way... probably not, since Aubrey is her Sue's romantic interest... but this comes across as REALLY, REALLY rapey.



So Aubrey sits there fiddling around with poor Shannon's mind, while the poor girl is confused and scared. If AAR is trying to make me hate her and like Aubrey, she's failing. THEN, after mind-raping for a few minutes, he commands her to sleep and she just keels over like one of those goats who falls over if you startle them.

And no, nobody at the party notices Shannon wandering out with a blank zombielike look on her face, or the guy outside who's neck-raping her. I mean, you wouldn't expect anybody to notice the girl who is both the HOSTESS and the town bike.


He could have caught someone ten times her weight with no difficulty.

In case he hasn't emphasized how awesome he is in the last five minutes... which makes the whole stalking-teen-girls thing even sadder.


Though he could control any human physically, he didn't relish the possibility that the girl would scream and attract inconvenient attention.

Yeah, like the dozens and dozens of people about twenty feet away from you. And, you know, they might KILL you once they notice that you're a friggin' vampire.



He tilted Shannon's head back to expose the artery, which was covered by nothing more than a thin layer of skin.

This was WAY easier than the last time, when the artery was covered with chain mail.

And so he starts drinking her blood.... and it ends there. Yeah, whatever.

No comments:

Post a Comment