Then she mentally chided herself for focusing on a guy who probably had already forgotten she existed.
Oh, how low her self-esteem is... wait, a couple chapters ago, she was informing us that she had a "body and face to die for."
And even if he hadn't, he would never be desperate enough to risk his social standing by associating with the leper of Ramsa High.
Uhhhh, this guy has been here for twenty minutes, but he has "social standing" already? Also, THE leper of Ramsa High? So, there's exactly ONE unpopular kid in the entire high school, and it happens to be our Sue.
So she pulls out a notebook and a pencil and... starts drawing. Yes, she's supposedly a bestselling author who writes obsessively all the time, but she spends her free time DRAWING. And in the meantime, she notices that Shannon is watching her boyfriend yell at Alex.
Finally Alex seemed to lose his patience.
"Dude, it ain't my fault that your girlfriend is a desperate whore who obviously isn't satisfied with... whatever you're giving her."
So Alex unleashes his awesome Vampiyah Powahz: HE MAKES EYE CONTACT. Apparently eye contact is terrifying, because the boy backs off and leaves because... he doesn't want the non-threatening vampire to stare at him.
Look into my deadlights!
Jessica shook her head, not surprised. Something about Alex made it evident he wasn't someone to mess with.
It might have been his small unobtrusive tattoos and black clothing. Indeed, this is a scary person.
And because I desperately wanted to hear more about the Sue's secondary artistic talents, we immediately switch back to Jessica's drawing. Guess what she drew? Alex, of course! SHOCK. I'm so very bored now.
Now she looked down at the pencil sketch and felt a chill run through her.
For some reason, she had drawn him with SPARKLES.
Even though her model had been nearby, the likeness was remarkable.
She captured him perfectly, from his fake cat ears to his wingtip shoes.
But apparently in her perfect Suey drawing, she somehow managed to draw in a super-speshul pendant which she hadn't yet been able to look at closely but had somehow drawn in careful detail. Remember that quote, because it just adds to the stupid.
The cross was upside down and carefully molded with a viper twined around it.
Only $19.99 from Hot Topic! Be rebellious and badass, like all the other teens!
It was the same design as the one that Aubrey wore, and it startled Jessica to see that she had drawn it into her portrait of Alex.
... why is that startling? I mean, she's already established that he's the spitting image of Aubrey, so why would she NOT add it in?
And yes, we're meant to go, "Oh, it's a sign! He wears that pendant because he really IS Aubrey and that's how she knows what it looks like!" But she already said she hadn't been able to see it, so for all she knows the pendant is something else. The logical conclusion would be that she put that pendant in the picture because SHE ASSOCIATES HIM WITH HER FICTIONAL CREATION.
And then Alex comes over and asks to sit next to her.
His tone was confident, unmarred by adolescent awkwardness.
He sounded like.... a douchebag.
Hearing his silk-smooth voice made her shiver, because she was once again assaulted by a wave of familiarity.
I'm having so many Twilight flashbacks right now, it's not funny. At least he hasn't ordered her around or made fun of her.... yet.
The last time any guy had tried to talk to her, he had done so only on a dare.
HAVE YOU GOT IT YET? She's sooooooo scary and frightening! Everybody is afraid of her! SHE'S SOOOOOO SCARY AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE SHE'S A NASTY BITCH PLEEEEEEZ BELIEVE ME!
Oh, and she takes the chance to note that yes, he's wearing a pendant just like Aubrey's. This is undoubtedly meant to be yet another blatant sign that he's Aubrey, but strangely it doesn't seem to occur to Jessica that maybe he's a creepy-ass stalker who thinks he's Aubrey and is following her because he knows that she's Ash Night. You know, the likely answer.
And since anyone with knowledge of bad teen fiction... or bad fiction in general... can tell that this is Aubrey, I'll mention a fact from later in the book: he's here to kill her for revealing factoids about real vampires, INCLUDING HIM. So, he decided to wear his super-unique pendant while going undercover as a high school student... while knowing that the person he's there to kill is probably going to realize it's him.
"Do you always keep to yourself out here?" he asked.
"Do you always go out of your way to talk to people who look like they want to be alone?" she answered, instinctively defensive.
"Ah, I get it. You're just a nasty bitch, and that's why you're alone. And you pretend you WANT to be alone while internally whining about how people are mean to you. In other words, a Snappy Sue."
Seriously, make up your fucking mind. She said he could sit there, then snarls at him for talking to her because she wants to be "alone."
She bit her tongue after speaking the words. If Alex actually wanted to get to know her, she was an idiot to try to chase him off.
.... WHY? So, apparently everybody else in the world who tries to gain any level of friendship or familiarity with her is treated like shit, but for some reason she would be an idiot if she treated this one hot guy like shit? Explain why! EXPLAIN! Why is he so special? EXPLAIN, DAMMIT.
But like a good Stu, Alex doesn't take offense at her bitchiness and asks if she is avoiding anyone in particular.
"If I was trying to avoid anyone, it would be Caryn," she answered truthfully. "She seems convinced that my inner child needs a friend."
Where is this insane idea coming from? They've talked on ONE OCCASION, and all Caryn did was make a perfectly normal attempt to befriend Jessica. Ever since, she's left Jessica's miserable ass alone and hasn't talked to her. JESSICA, meanwhile, has been obsessing on Caryn, staring at her, and thinking about her and what a pest Caryn is to her poor emo darkity self JUST FOR EXISTING.
If anyone should be avoiding anyone, CARYN should be avoiding JESSICA, because she obviously has some kind of twisted hate-crush on her.
A mixture of empathy and annoyance crossed Alex's features. Jessica felt confident that the annoyance was reserved for Caryn.
Yes, she couldn't POSSIBLY be projecting her own insane stalkerish obsession with Caryn.
"It's her nature to try to draw people out of the dark," he said.
"You two know each other?"
"Unfortunately," he answered. The scorn in his voice was palpable.
This would be more significant if we didn't know that she was a witch and that witches hunt vampires. If we didn't know that about Caryn, it would generate some good suspense.
They both stare at Caryn until she gets up and walks away. I mean, HOW DARE she sit there eating lunch, spending time with her friends and minding her own business! Freak!
Up next, they plan to spam her Internet accounts and spread nasty rumors about her, because she is SUCH a pest! She never talks to them or anything! She won't leave them alone!
"She sure doesn't try to draw you out of the dark," Jessica commented.
"They've tried, and they've failed miserably," was his reply.
You know, as a vampire who's going undercover at a high school, he's failing miserably at the whole "undercover" part. I mean, he's not even PRETENDING he's normal, and he's deliberately saying Portentous Things that scream "I am a vampire!" You suck at this even worse than Edward Cullen!
No comments:
Post a Comment