Sunday, August 16, 2015

The Dragonstone Chapter 10

... oh wait, it's not even TRAVELING. It's just descriptions of TREES.

There are days I hate what I do.

Bordered on the north by low-running foothills and an open windswept wold, on the south by the Great Escarpment falling a thousand feet sheer, on the west by the jagged fangs of the towering Grimwall Mountains, and on the east by the ever-flowing mighty River Argon,

.... I'm sorry, I forgot what we were talking about. You were too busy telling me where it is!

there lies a twilight land,

... a Twilight land? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......!!!!!!!

An entire LAND filled with Twilight? With annoying teenage girls and emo stalker assholes? THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

... actually, that would be kind of awesome, because then they could live THERE and not infest the rest of the world and promote other shit like Fifty Shades of Grey.

an Elven land, a land known as Darda Galion, as the Eldwood, as Larkenwald, as the Land of the Silverlarks.

... south of New York, known as the Big Apple, as the City That Never Sleeps, as Gotham, as The City So Nice They Named It Twice.

It is a vast forest of gigantic trees, Eld Trees, trees not native to Mithgar but borne one by one as seedlings from the Hohgarda to the Mittegarda, from the High Plane to the Middle, and planted in this rich land of many rivers.

  1. It destroyed the local ecosystem, because the leaves were toxic to the birds and the number of insects exploded!
  2. Also... why did they do this? I mean, was there a REASON? Or did they just figure, "Hey, I'm bored this weekend. I think I'll take some baby Eld Trees to another plane of existence and plant them. I'll just wait and see what happens."
  3. Also, why are they called "Eld" trees? Eld is just an old-timey way of saying "old." So they're... old trees even when they're NOT old.
  4. Also, two words: mallorn trees.

Yes, giant mystical elf trees imported from a distant elf-place (Tol Eressea and/or Valinor) that humans and evil creatures can't go away to, which live in a super-special land where the blond lady who sees the future lives. This does not resemble Tolkien at ALL.

A weald from Adonar borne as seedlings yet now they are giants; the scale of the work undertaken by the Elves to bring an entire forest of these trees to Mithgar is truly staggering.

"Hey Aeldwel, why are we doing this again?"
"Damned if I know. I think the Coron just got bored and decided to screw with the local ecosystem."
"... so there's no real reason for us to plant a whole forest of trees here?"
"No, not really."

And the trees now tower hundreds of feet into the air; and the girth of each bole is many paces around. The ages needed for them to reach this height? ... only the Elven foresters know.

... and presumably the elves who either saw them planted, or did the planting. Unless they totally forgot about it. And yes, everybody acts like nobody remembers this. It's all the elves have selective amnesia.

Yet the enormous reach of time required is of no moment to the Elves. After all they are an immortal Folk whose lives are forever just beginning, no matter the span of their age. And so what matter that it had taken a thousand years or ten thousand for the forest to be born and soar upward hundreds of feet toward the sky? . . .

... if it doesn't matter, why was it even asked about?

What matter? Why, none at all to the Elves; the only thing that matters is that the presence of the Eld Trees reminds them of home.

Yes, apparently the place where they're living for millennia isn't "home," but someplace else. If they're that nostalgic for their home... why aren't they there?

The wood of these forest giants is precious—prized above all others—but none of these trees has ever been felled by any of the Free Folk.

Other trees can be killed anytime, anywhere, anyhow. But these ones are SPESHUL! Don't ask why!

Yet at times a harvest of sorts is made in the soaring timberland, for occasionally lightning or a great wind sweeping up from the wide plains of Valon below the escarpment in the south will cause branches to fall; and these are collected by the Lian storm-gleaners and the wood cherished, each priceless limb studied long ere the carver's tools touch the grain.

In case you're wondering, there is a not-so-subtle environmental message in these books. The message is basically that humans are a bunch of overpopulating dumbasses who are destroying the earth, and that other races are perfectly in tune with nature and never do anything wrong to the environment.

Nothing like... importing an alien species en masse onto our world. That will do nothing but good for the ecosystem, ya fucking hypocrites!

And gentle Elven hands make treasures dear of this precious debris.

Like marionettes!

It is said that time stands still in the lofty silence of this twilight land, yet that cannot be, else the trees would still be nought but seedlings.

And especially since Rael doesn't have Nenya, which slows down time.

And to the edge of this vast forest came Arin and six others, their mission urgent.

Are we actually going to hear about it, or are we going to be given a lecture on Elven architecture?

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