Sunday, August 16, 2015

Voyage of the Fox Rider Chapter 1

Winter, 1E9572-73
[Twenty-Two Months Past]

... that's oddly specific. Why not just say "two years"?

So we're introduced to Farrix, which sounds like a minor character from Asterix.

And he is watching the aurora... as you do. He's also up to his hips in snow, which sounds uncomfortable.

Of a sudden—“Hoy, Jinnarin, did you see that?”

“See what?”

"A sparkling guy running on top of the snow! It was horribly implausible!"

No, he actually sees a "plume" coming down from the aurora... and no, I'm not sure what this plume is supposed to be made of. The aurora is a light display, and a "plume" is something more solid like water or ash.

Jinnarin - I assume she's his girlfriend - doesn't see what the hell he's talking about.

“I wonder if those Mages are up to something."

... like magic? It would suck to have magic powers and just do... nothing with them. It would be like being a sparklepire.

"I mean, I’ve been watching the aurora all my life, and I never—”

Dude, you need a hobby. A REAL hobby.

Jinnarin thinks he's being a paranoid idiot and wants to go back to... wherever the hell they came from. But Farrix spots another plume of... I dunno, magic?

for no other plume streamed forth from the writhing drapery of the spectral light—at least, no plume that she could see.

I... don't get this. Again, how can light produce a "plume" of anything? Is it a stream of light? Something else? Seriously, I have no idea.

We then abruptly timeskip a WHOLE MONTH, where Farrix apparently spends all his time watching the aurora... and Jinnarin doesn't bother looking. Oh well, she spent a whole two minutes watching with him - clearly it doesn't exist or isn't important.

streamers of luminance occasionally flowing down from the north to the eastern horizon.

Wait, no! It was mentioned as being from to the SOUTH before!

At last he came to Jinnarin—rucksack on his back, bow in hand, arrows in his quiver—saying, “Love, I’m off to follow the flumes, to see just where they are going.”

A flume is a water channel. An artificial one. It's not synonymous with "plume" just because they rhyme.

Jinnarin decides that her husband... brother... lover... friend... whatever can't be dissuaded. Seriously, what IS the relationship between these two?!

for she and Farrix had been mates for several millennia, and Jinnarin was resigned to his “whims.”

  1. Like the time he smeared himself with peanut butter and renamed himself "Bibble."
  2. Ah, so they're mates, and apparently pretty steady ones.
  3. You'd think after a few millennia, you'd get sick of each other.

So Farrix gets up on Rhu... whatever that is... and rides off through Darda Glain. And that's it. Chapter over.

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