Friday, August 14, 2015

Twilight Guide - The Denali Coven

The Denali coven was originally founded by Sasha, who was responsible for transforming Tanya, Kate, and Irina into vampires.

I'm more interested in whether they were given any free will in this, or if Sasha is another shining saint who turns people into vampires for purely selfish reasons.

They considered Sasha their mother and one another sisters.


I can understand the sire/fledgling relationship, since in vampire fiction the sire usually teaches the fledgling how to be a proper vamp. But why the fuck does everybody feel the need to form family units with people based on... nothing?!


Family dinner, mother holding platter with roast on it

After Sasha was executed by the Volturi for creating an immortal child, Vasilii,

... and why did she do that?



Any reason? Anything?

The sisters often amused themselves by romancing local human men.

  1. And by that, Smeyer means they had sex with them.
  2. She's incredibly prudish, so she apparently won't say the word "sex."
  3. OH THE HORROR. Women with normal sex drives who fuck men who AREN'T their true loves!
  4. Also, what is "local"? Where WERE they? I assume that by the names they were in Russia or someplace, but it's not made clear.
  5. Probably is, since otherwise they would be having sex with non-white men.

They felt real affection for some of these men, and losing them was depressing.

"Awww man, I really liked that guy, and now I've killed him. That makes me depressed."

Oh, and don't use the euphemism "losing them" when they actually KILLING THEM.

The longer one of them spent with a man, the more devastating it was when the man died.

It's like these vampires are from an entirely different series, where people AREN'T totally sexless until they experience Insta-Troo-Lurv. Instead they... form real relationships with the opposite sex!

Where am I? What planet is this? Am I real?

Finally Tanya devised a plan to give up human blood altogether.

It involved a lot of alcohol and cocaine.

She had a similar experience in the woods as Carlisle did with his first vampire meal: She realized that unappetizing animal blood could quench her thirst.

.... so she just... realized this? Nothing in the woods actually HAPPENED, like finding a bleeding animal? She just realized something while in the woods?

Quick tip: Don't force readers to flip back to Carlisle's entry just to understand what the fuck happened. Every entry should be self-contained. Idiot.

after many years of practice, they developed self-control to rival Carlisle‘s.

And they unselfishly stayed in a remote region, rather than exposing innocent humans to horrible death and destruction like Carlisle does. But since they've had sex outside of marriage, and they're all FEMALE, they're not as good as Carlisle is.

they met Carmen and Eleazar.

And what fakey-fake familial relationship do they have with the Denali girls? Second cousins once removed?

The newcomers were very taken with the Denali coven‘s compassionate choice.

Except it's not based on compassion. They didn't choose to abstain from human blood because they didn't want to hurt people, they did it so they could have sex without killing their partners. They were okay with killing OTHER humans.

Both parties enjoyed one another‘s company so much that they made the situation permanent.

Carmen had no idea that Eleazar really wanted to stay because there were three hot blonde chicks who liked sex a lot.

they were joined by the nomad Garrett, who had formed an attachment with Kate.

... over their shared love of Legos.

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