Sunday, August 9, 2015

My Immortal Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!

I wonder how many of those good reviews were sarcastic.


Fangs 4 chekin ma spelin. itz reel gud.

oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

Worst. Disclaimer. Ever. What is "dis"? I think she means she doesn't own the Potterverse.

So if you were hoping to hear Ebony's response to OOC-Draco, or her thoughts on him... TOO BAD. We go straight to Ebony rambling about her mallgoth clothes.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels.

I was naked otherwise, but I had black lace-up boots with high heels!

Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.

"All this corset stuff"?

Also, I don't think you can HAVE "corset stuff" on front and back of a dress, nor do I think it can be correctly included on a leather dress. Maybe I'm wrong (I don't wear corsets), but... really, this is My Immortal. My random assumptions about stuff I'm totally ignorant about are probably more trustworthy.

I put on matching fishnet on my arms.

So... she just randomly has pieces of fishnet that she puts on her body?

I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.

Just a side rant: WTF is up with emo/goth/punk posers straightening their hair?! "I'm such a rebel who doesn't march to anyone else's drum.... but I totally do my hair the way all the others do!"

Also, how do you make long straight hair "spiky"? Like this?

Yes, that's the hairstyle I have on ALL my dates.

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

.... WHY?! You're going on a date with the GUY you like to a concert by a BAND you like, and you're DEPRESSED? So you slit your wrist, which tends to be a slightly major injury?!

Also, she's supposed to be a vampire. Don't they heal instantly or something?!

I read a depressing book

It was like, this book called Vampire Kisses and it was SO goffic cuz it had vampires and the main character was a goff and she fell in luv with the vampire and they had goffic adventures!

while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway.

  1. Nice to see that she's not falling into "goff" stereotypes of wearing black nails, lips and raccoon eyes.
  2. Yes, she's naturally the color of white foundation, cuz she's goffic. She's just THAT awesome.
  3. Also, she wore foundation in the first chapter.

I drank some human bloodso I was ready to go to the concert.

What's bloodso? And why is it necessary if you're going to a concert?

I went outside.

... outside what? Her room?

Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.

Okay, I may not remember everything about the Potter series, but I do remember that Draco didn't have a flying car. Arthur Weasley did, until Harry and Ron stole it to get to Hogwarts.

Um, how is Draco supposed to have gotten one... especially since it's SORTA KINDA ILLEGAL?

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too),

Yes, apparently not only Good Charlotte but Simple Plan are aware of the wizarding world. And they're touring together, despite not being on the same label.

Oh yeah, and.... SIMPLE PLAN SUX. I can see why Ebony likes them, though!

baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

I think she was claiming that "a lot of cool boys wear it, okay" but am not sure because of the horrible spelling. She might be saying "a lot for cool boys wear it okay."

That said... no, a lot of cool boys don't. Only a small number of cool boys wear any fashion statement.

“Hi Draco!” I said in a depressed voice.

Because nothing says "depressed" like an exclamation point.

Also, WHY IS SHE DEPRESSED?! Again, going on a date with her dream boy to see TWO of her favorite bands! This is not cause for depression, dumbass!

“Hi Ebony.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert.

Okay, we can officially rule out Arthur Weasley's car as being the one Draco is using. So apparently he bought a car, enchanted it to fly, and is using it openly where anybody can see it despite flying cars being TECHNICALLY ILLEGAL.

And yeah, the license plate says "666." Any cliches you haven't plumbed yet, Ebony?

Also, I have checked. The UK license plates have six or seven letters/numbers on them... so it should be more like 666-666.

On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson.

And another check on the "horribly overrated shit listened to by pretentious asshats." Specially since Marilyn Manson hasn't been shocking in like ten years.

We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

  1. It was great, smoking all that LSD. How glamorous we are!
  2. Yeah, no specific drugs like heroin, cocaine or the like.... it's just "drugs."
  3. We crashed in the Forbidden Forest and totally died because we were TAKING DRUGS WHILE DRIVING. I don't like to be preachy about drugs... but FUCK.

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

Yes, because bouncing in place is what moshing is all about. Dammit, I've seen folk-rock bands who had more moshing than that... and no, I'm not joking. I really have.

“You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

I would boast about not owning it too, since those lyrics make my skin crawl. Especially since it sounds like your mom tossed you out a window.

“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.


Well... individual tastes, I guess. I just don't find him hot, personally.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

"I mean, all guys with black nail polish pretty much look alike to me!"

“Really?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

Yes, because when I think "Draco Malfoy" I think sensitive chivalrous knight in black goff armor.

Oh wait, I think of a wizard-Nazi douche.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff.I fucking hate that little bitch.”

Yeah, it's hard to remember, but long before he knocked up and married Nicole Richie in that order, Joel Madden dated Hilary Duff. They split when she became "legal."

I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

Given that "blonde" refers only to hair, it would be very unattractive if she had hair on her face. And Hilary Duff would know that!

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco.

We had fun and stuff. It was fun. Whatever.

After the concert, we drank some beer

Pretty sure that's illegal in the UK too. When you're under 18, you can only drink with a guardian's supervision.

and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees.

Wow, just like every other groupielicious fan. Was there a real reason that Good Charlotte was included in this fic?

Also, I seem to remember this being a double bill with Simple Plan WHO SUCK BY THE WAY. So where are they?

Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz,

Presumably crawling because they've been drinking beer and "smoking drugs." Just the sort of people you want in charge of a flying two-ton lump of metal!

but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest

Holy kumquats! They went into the Forbidden Forest that is RIGHT NEXT to Hogwarts! I am filled with shock!

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